Pong is Gnarly!

To all my loyal readers

I know the holidays are a busy time, and I apologize for not being able to bring you any new material for the next few weeks. I am forced to go back through the archives of The Fool’s Manifesto for material to post while I am spending these days baking the eggnog and wrapping the stockings. Until I return, I want to wish you all a very Merry Wintermas and Happy Festivus to one and all! Enjoy this, my first blog post from 1974. Please forgive the poor quality of the content. I was just starting out and hadn’t really gotten a feel for my style. I was also only nine years old. Anyway, enjoy it and I’ll see you all next year!

The Fool’s Manifesto, December 30th, 1974

Pong is so cool!

I asked Santa for a pong game this year, but I didn’t think he would bring me one because our TV doesn’t have the right kind of hook up for the thing. It’s kind of annoying because the game has been out for years, and Kenny won’t shut up about how his parents bought him one when it first came out. Still, I didn’t think it was going to happen this Christmas. But when we came downstairs on Christmas morning there was the Pong box right there by the tree! And there was a new TV for the family too! I yelled so loud my dad had to tell me to keep it down. Woo hoo!

So of course I had to hook it up right away. Actually, my dad had to hook it up, because he didn’t want me messing up the new TV. Then I had to wait for my brothers to let me play, because even though I asked for it, Santa actually gave it to the whole family. I don’t know why he did that because it was my idea, but that’s okay. I’m just stoked that he brought it at all. I finally got to play, and it’s amazing. It’s just like ping pong, but on the TV!

This game is so hard!

I got to say, this game can be really tough depending on who you are playing. They make it look totally easy on the commercials, but it really depends on who’s on the other side of the box. Like, when I play my mom, I usually win. Not that she’s lame or anything. But she’s not really very competitive, and she gets distracted when my sister asks her a question or something and she’ll just ignore the game for a while. Plus I think she lets me win if I’m losing because she hates to see me feel bad.

But when I’m playing my brothers or my sister, they don’t do me any favors. And it’s a lot harder because they are bigger than I am, and they can react faster and move the paddle to hit the ball. Plus, when my oldest brother scores, he tells me how much I stink, and then I get so mad he scores three more times before I stop yelling. My sister tickles me when I’m about to hit the ball. And this one time, when I was actually doing really well, the ball bounced above my paddle! I couldn’t make it go all the way to the top of the screen! I don’t know if that’s a bug or what, but it was a total drag.

Easter Egg?

You are going to think I’m smoking dope or something (which I totally don’t do because my mom says it’s for losers, and I’m not a loser!) but I was playing Pong for something like 9 straight hours last night when everyone else had gone to bed, and I found something that I think is some sort of hidden trick in the game. I called it an “Easter egg” because it’s kind of like when you wake up on Easter morning, and you feel like having eggs,  but your mom is making waffles, and you don’t feel like waffles. So you go to the fridge to get some eggs to cook for yourself, and then you open the door and all the eggs are all these weird colors. And you’re all like “Whoa! Am I on drugs?” even though you would never take drugs because…well, we already covered that one.

Anyway, I found out that if the score is 99 to 1, and the ball passes over the exact right spot on the screen (somewhere in the middle just over the right side of the net) the ball changes into the floating head of Marcia Wallace, the woman who played Carol on the Bob Newhart Show. I was able to reproduce it just once, but so far I have not been able to get it to do it again when my brothers are in the room. They think I’m a liar. But I swear it’s true. They are making fun of me and saying that I’m in love with Carol and junk. They are a couple of jerks. But they’ll be sorry when it happens again. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to reproduce.

Anyway, I totally recommend this game.

It’s as gnarly as they come, and I can’t imagine what anybody could do to beat it! The future is here, everybody! By the 80′s we’ll be driving flying cars, and who knows? Maybe by 1999 we’ll be living on the moon. It could happen! Be sure to write to me and let me know if you see the “Easter egg” I told you about!

Tags: easter egg, game, humor, pong, review